Maybe it’s at the heart of being a lawyer. Somewhere in the warm, gushy center that exists in there. Or maybe it’s just a trait of the people who have worked with me. But the lawyers I know are very dedicated to the well-being of others. Just yesterday, I talked to a new member who spends all of their time focused on what they can do for the people around them: to lift them up, to promote their success, to make them feel acknowledged and taken care of. 

That trait is invaluable. There should always be more people in the world who are adequately considering the perspective and needs of the people in their sphere. 

But this trait comes at a cost to you. The very same people who are busy doing a great job of taking care of other people are often doing a less-than-stellar job of taking care of themselves (which extends, by the way, to asking for help when they need it). 

Face it, those of you lawyers that are Type-A personalities — and for those of you that I call “Type-A+” personalities — you don’t like to ask for help. You don’t like to put your personal needs ahead of the tasks and goals at hand. You don’t like to put yourselves ahead of the needs of your important people.

You want to get the job done; To have the “to-do” list clean; To wipe off the mental dry-erase board. 

But what happens more often than not is that you get home with plenty of things still on your mind. There are case files on your desk that need attending to. All of the fires that sprung up to be put out ruined your nicely planned day and left you with more to do tomorrow. And so you crash out on the couch and let the TV or cell phone assist you in numbing the chaos in your head. 

Is that a problem? Well, like a good therapist, my answer is, “It depends”. 

It’s a “problem” if it’s a matter of avoiding living your life. If it’s taking away time from other things that you’d rather be doing to feel like your life is full. Maybe that’s giving some attention to your relationship. Maybe that’s exercise. Maybe that’s going to book club and socializing. 

It’s not a problem if it’s a choice of self-love. 

What does that mean? Well here’s the thing about self-love, self-esteem… whatever you want to call it. It’s an active process. Self-love isn’t a process of waiting around for things to happen to you, it’s a process of making it happen. 

So watching TV can be an act of self-love if you choose it to be that. If you sit down and say to yourself, “I am going to watch an episode of ‘Game of Thrones’ as a way to say thank you for working so hard today. I’m watching this as a way of doing something nice for myself”.

It doesn’t have to be anything more than that. It doesn’t need to be a fancy ode that you write for yourself about a deep, undying devotion to your needs being met. It just needs to be an intentional choosing and an acknowledgement of what’s actually happening. It sounds simple. It is simple. But it has the capacity to add so much more space to your life. Don’t just believe me, try it out. 

When you do something FOR YOU today, no matter how small, honor that by acknowledging what’s happening. For example, when I raid my kid’s Trick-or-Treat candy later this evening, I will be certain to say, “Oh yeah, big guy. This is a nice way to cap off an awesome day of taking care of people. You done good! This one’s for you”. 

Yours might look a little different (but you can totally steal mine if you’d like), but I want you to choose to do it. 

Intentionality is at the center of a lot of life happiness. Taking the things that we already do for ourselves and putting them into the context of intentional self-love helps us recognize that we’re not just slaves to life, but that we can make the best of even the most mundane tasks.

What are you going to choose today? What regular task are you going to do today with acknowledgment of the fact that it’s a way you’re showing yourself love?

I hope you choose many things because what I hope for you is joy, fulfillment and self-love.

If you’re a lawyer who is ready to do something about the imbalance between your work and personal life, schedule a call with me.

Be kind to yourselves, 

–Alex